poems like do not stand at my grave and weep

From Goodreads, ‘The poem for which she became famous was originally composed on a brown paper shopping bag, and was reportedly inspired by the story of a young Jewish girl, Margaret Schwarzkopf, who had been staying with the Frye household and had been unable to visit her dying mother in Germany because of anti-Semitic unrest.’ I am there.Written in 1932, this poem was written from the perspective of a person beyond the grave, someone who was well aware of what it felt like to die. What invitation to grieve opens up when you are able to hear your loved one, through Mary’s words, say, “ Do stand at my grave and weep. I encourage you to read today’s poem as an exercise in reverse psychology. Sometimes, to mix things up, I’ll tell them “Don’t go clean your rooms! Don’t you dare do it!” They laugh and run away to “rebel” and do the thing I precisely told them not to do. My children love the concept of reverse psychology. In effect, we must read Mary’s poem in reverse. Rather than push them away, we must welcome our tears and embrace our sorrow with compassion and kindness. I am convinced that if we are ever to grieve fully, we must stop pretending and turn toward this reality. Heartbreaking - there is no other word to describe it.

Our loved ones are not sunlight or diamonds or stars or rain. We want to deny the harsh reality of that cold marble stone in the grass before us.īut pretending our loved one hasn’t died doesn’t help anybody, and swallowing our tears when we long to weep inhibits the healthy grieving process. We want to believe our loved one isn’t really there, that he or she didn’t die. When we stand at the grave of the one we love, we want to believe Mary. Even though it is scientifically inaccurate and emotionally avoidant, it’s still popular today.

Mary Elizabeth Frye wrote this poem to comfort those who mourn, and it became wildly popular in her day. Today’s Poetry Friday poem was penned in 1932 as the United States shifted away from its Victorian-era fascination with death toward a death-phobic 20th century.

“Death is real there is no need to say that because our loved one is in heaven, death doesn’t exist.” Rob Moll, The Art Of Dying: Living Fully Into The Life To Come

Poems like do not stand at my grave and weep